(Reproduced from my Dayre)

Lately, everyone's been filing for graduation, and when that thought comes to mind, I feel bittersweet.

Sometimes I wish I had a super fantastic university life to attest to, but I know I don't because I remember it wasn't all that perfect. I remember the nights that I had to cry myself to sleep because law school was so difficult on all counts. Did I wish that I could graduate immediately then? I sure did, and I still do. 

Bidding still scares me every single semester. Class part still haunts me even till today and grouping for project still leaves me disappointed. 

Nevertheless, I dare say that if times weren't as difficult as they were, I probably wouldn't be as humbled or grown as much as I have (literally).

Would I have had it any other way? I honestly don't know. But I guess sometimes I do wish that I could share in Jon's sentiments that SMU was the best thing, because it just wasn't? I wish university was something I could have looked back on and remember that "hey it was fun" because for the large part of it, it wasn't, tbh. 

And I guess sometimes I still don't really understand why my university life wasn't as great.

But I count my blessings, and I don't deny that even being able to get into law school is a blessing in disguise. I did meet my fair share of nice people, friends that I intend to have as my (um) bridesmaid. I also did get to see the world because of exchange. And I did meet Jon as well. And I cannot discount all these as part of my university education and what SMU gave to me. 

So I guess I am thankful for my SMU education, and that I survived all the way till my last semester. But I guess a part of me will always wish that some nights were easier. And I'm just glad it's (almost) over.

Hello Twenty Fifteen.

So I've been reading random "2014 in summary" blogposts and it dawned upon me how 2014 could / was possibly the best year of my life so far.
2014 was so good till the extent that I'm so unwilling to welcome 2015 because somehow I feel like it won't match up or it'd just pale in comparison to how good 2014 was.

I know I'm not supposed to be comparing, but there just seem to be nothing much to look forward to.
2015 is supposed to be the lull period for me because I'm finishing up my university education and hopefully be able to practice.
It's also the last year for me to be a student.
I'm not going to say that I love being a student, it's just something about being a law student that makes being a student horrible, but I do supposed it beats the working world and life.

In any case, I do hope that I finish up my university education well and leave with no regrets.

If I want 2014 to be remembered for anything, it'd definitely be these four things:

1. My exchange in Israel.

It's funny how God really put everything in place for me. Even with my substandard GPA, I still managed to go on exchange.

I still remember it was sometime in June that I was with Charlene and Yaanmeng's at his old place and we were baking macarons and lemon cupcakes. And I was just casually mentioning to them that my applications for exchange would close at 12 midnight. At that point of time, I wasn't expecting to go on exchange because of my shitty GPA and also because I had no money. It was always in my plan to on exchange, if I ever did, in Y4S1. Given that I had no hopes in applying for exchange in Y3S2, I just casually filled up the exchange worksheet, without expecting to go on exchange.

During the end of my OCSP, I received an email saying that I had been rejected for the schools I had applied for. However, another email came in saying that certain locations had slots left. Amongst them were US, HK, Israel, Barcelona and I can't really remember the rest. And so I decided that I'd just whack Israel and if it's meant for me to be there, I will be there.

And then the email came in, stating that I had a spot at "IDC Herzliya". Was I happy? A little. Was I afraid? A little. Was I assured that there was God wanted me to be? Yes.

So fast forward till February, I had my life packed in two suitcases and I was on the flight to Israel. Exchange, like I mentioned previously, was the best thing that happened to me in 2014. It not only provided me with a period of rest, that was much needed from the dreaded law school, but it also made me discover so many things about myself and life that I possibly wouldn't have discovered without going on exchange.

Exchange opened my eyes to so many things, so many sights and also changed my perspective and outlook to life in so many ways. It wasn't only in the wonderful roommates that I lived with, the wonderful people at church, and the wonderful country Israel was but every single detail that led me to believe that God really prepared a place there for me. Honestly, the only worries I had was to decided what to cook for dinner the next day or whether the clothes that were washed together would run color.

It was a period in my life that was so precious to me that I am glad I documented almost every single day in my Dayre (http://dayre.me/aileenstephanie). So beyond a shadow of doubt, I thank God for the period of rest that He gave me in Israel, for looking out for me every single step of the way, and for providing for me in every single way I would possibly need.

2. Travels.

In 2014 alone I visited 18 cities in 11 countries, and that is a lot of places, even more than an individual might travel in his lifetime. Once again, I am grateful to God for providing with the opportunity to travel to so many different places and for keeping me safe. These travels definitely didn't come cheap, but in every single situation, He always provided more than enough for me. He also blessed me with the best companies I could possibly need.

1. Israel - Tel Aviv
2. Germany - Berlin
3. Germany - Stuttgart
4. Spain - Barcelona
5. France - Paris
6. Italy - Venice
7. Italy - Florence
8. Italy - Rome
9. Turkey - Istanbul
10. Turkey - Cappadocia
11. Greece - Athens
12. Hong Kong - Hong Kong
13. Korea - Seoul
14. Korea - Jeju
15. Korea - Busan
16. Thailand - Pattaya
17. Thailand - Bangkok
18. Malaysia - Penang

3. Training contract.

I guess this is something every single Year 3 law student would be worrying about, and given my GPA, I guess it was even more worrying. I guess if there was anything weighing down on my mind in Israel, this would be it. Yet even with the future uncertainty, God instill in me a sense of peace that could never have come from within myself. In spite of all my worries, I always had this peace of mind that God has a plan for me and that even though my grades or what the world represent seemed against me, He was my only rock and hope.

And so after months of worrying about my training contract, God opened an opportunity for me and provided me with a training contract. And even with this, the future is still uncertain in many ways, but I know that God will always be with me, and that is all that really matters.

Many things about tomorrow, 
I don't seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow,
and I know who holds my hand.

4. Jon.

We saw this coming. But yes, through every single thing that I'm grateful for in 2014, from exchange to travels to my training contract, he was a part of it. Everybody knows I am a love skeptic, who wants to get married someday. (I know I am bipolar like that) And so when it comes to relationships, I really don't quite believe in it. But yet I am very glad that in His time, He placed Jon in my life to love me and make me grow in ways I've never grown before.

If you've always found me to be obnoxious and condescending, he's the one who tells me that I need to stop doing what I do, and actually makes me stop being a nasty person. (If I still am, I am working on it) Trust me when I say that he is brutally honest with me. He is not afraid to hurt my feelings at all, to make me become a better person. And we all know how it's not so easy to love me, but he does it anyway.

Sometimes he can get irritatingly and annoyingly rational, (he has never written me a note since we got together, nor has he gotten me flowers even though I keep bugging him to), but he is romantic, thoughtful and caring in his own ways. And more importantly, he really makes me feel happy, loved and appreciated.

And because I am still a love skeptic (what, you weren't expecting me to change over night were you?), I am not dismissing the possibly that I may eventually not end up marrying Jon, or even being single for the rest of my life if this doesn't work out. Nevertheless, I am still thankful for this time that I can be together with somebody who loves me for ALL that I am, that I can share a good part of my young adulthood with, and hopefully somebody that I can grow old with.